Let go...
It's been awhile since my last blog update, but lately I have been feeling a little bit unsettled. Who knows why? Maybe it's the weather. You know the feeling, when old man winter is trying to hang on for all it's worth, but Spring is coming on full speed ahead. You never know how to dress, whether to take a heavy coat or just a light jacket. But really, that's probably not the root of my distress.
I know! It could it be the political unrest in our country and the fact that no matter what form of media we are exposed to, it's just more of the same gloom and doom. That could drag even the most positive of people down. I've got to admit, the current status of our economy and the erosion of traditional family values is terribly upsetting to this traditional, ultra conservative girl, but I don't think that's it either.
Do you want to know what I believe is making me feel unsettled? (I''m sure you're on the edge of your seats just waiting for this one!) Here it is. It's the realization that life as I know it is about to change in a very dramatic way. (No, I'm not divorcing my husband and running off to another galaxy with Patrick Stewart, although over the course of our 29 year marriage I have threatened to do so many times!) BTW, if you don't know who Patrick Stewart is, he was Captain Jean Luc Pickard of the Starship Enterprise, (Star Trek - The Next Generation.) He is one of the only famous people I've ever looked up to. Oh, and don't worry....the hub knows and allows me this one infatuation. :)
Anyhow, the big change is coming at the end of May, when my youngest daughter Lindsey will graduate from High School, then go off to college in the Fall. I know, I know....everyone has to go through the old "empty nest" thing, but this is not supposed to be happening yet....not now....not this soon. You see, it was only a couple of years ago in the delivery room at East Ridge Hospital in Chattanooga when I literally "coughed" Lindsey out into this world - across the labor and delivery room into the waiting arms of my sweet husband who just happened to be standing nearby. (I had a bad case of bronchitis and despite the nurse warning me not to cough, I ignored her warnings and coughed our little bundle of joy right out like a speeding bullet straight into her Daddy's arms!) True story!
And wasn't it only weeks ago when we laced up her first pair of high top basketball shoes to play co-ed, rec-league basketball at the age of five? I will always cherish those early Saturday mornings at the elementary school gym where my baby girl learned the fundamentals of a game that she would quickly grow to love. Oh, and the pig tails, who can forget the little curled under pig tails that became her trade mark "do".
I'll never forget dropping her off at school, clothes clean and crisply ironed with a pretty bow in her hair. When I would pick her up in the afternoon, she was usually muddy from head to toe and no hair bow in sight. That was just Lindsey. One day, I drove up to the after school pick-up line in our brand new mini van and they brought Lindsey out in a lawn and leaf trash bag because she had skidded head first into a mud hole on the playground and they didn't want my van to get all dirty. And I'm sure it was only yesterday when, while on a family vacation to Florida, Lindsey ran up to a vending machine on a restaurant dock, grabbed a big handful of fish food remnants, crammed it in her mouth and said, "mmm, peanuts!"
The sleepovers, cuddling with her sister watching television, the family trips to Disney, year round team sports, the friends, the laughter, the tears...all these times we thought would never end are about to become distant memories to hold forever in the special place in your mind where only parents can go. I'm sure I will have to visit there many times in order to make it through this next year. You know, if I could, I would do the old "back to the future" thing and run the clock back just to get to relive these moments, but I know I can't. (Where's Michael J. Fox when you need him?)
I was just talking to my dental hygienist today and she told me a sweet story of when her daughter left home for the first time and she went into her room, knelt by her bed and cried, then her husband joined her. (I can so see us doing that and I even teared up when she was telling me about it.) She went on to say that "Yes, it's hard, but once you get through the initial hurt, it's really good." I have already been through some letting go with my oldest daughter Briana, but she, her husband and sweet little Tatum are here with us every day, so that makes it a little easier on that front. I'm sure I'll live through this.
But to me, there is nothing that compares with being blessed to be the mother of my two beautiful, talented and precious gifts from God, Briana and Lindsey. I look to their future with great hope and faith that God will keep them in his hand and guide them all the days of their lives. After all, the Bible tells us....
"Train up a child in the way he should go:
and when he is old , he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6
